Out with the old, in with the new: Why changes in grief theory matter
Gone are the“stages” of grief; Enter the Six Needs of the Grieving
It can be hard to put into words what you need when you are grieving. Many are familiar with Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ “Stages of grief” that helped to conceptualize grief and “how to do it.” However, even Elizabeth said that the stage model was adopted too strictly by the public (media) and as a result important aspects of the grief process, like going backwards or bouncing around, were thought not to be possible. Some people even thought that if they did bounce around they were doing “grief wrong.”
David Kessler—a world renowned grief expert, mentee and friend of Elizabeth—expanded on his friends model (with her support) and developed the Six Needs of the Grieving. This updated model of grief acknowledges and allows for the back-and-forth-ups-and-downs of life after the death of your special person. This model highlights the importance of Meaning Making and reiterates that grief is not linear and that going around in circles does not immediately indicate something pathological. Whew!
One of the ways I support my clients deep in grief is to teach David’s Six Needs. As a Certified Grief Educator, I use his model as part of the curriculum of my child-loss support group for parents, Pushing Daisies. In our 90mins together, we accomplish many tasks of the grieving including sharing stories about our loved ones without pity or shame and working through challenges we have on the horizon. Take a look at March 2024s group agenda for a peek at how I structure our group.
If you or someone you know is navigating life after child-loss, please know support is available from others who have been there. Reach out here or grief.com or Tender Hearts community on Facebook. Grief is hard, but it’s harder alone.
Pushing Daisies meets virtually on the first Monday of every month from 11:30-1pm and is open to anyone, anywhere for a $50 fee. An absence note for work can be provided. Join us or learn more https://www.genuineconnectionspsychotherapy.com/groups
